Nationals leader David Littleproud doesn’t really know what to do or say in response to the Trump tariffs.

He lands on the ‘relationship needs to be reset’ which is code for ‘elect us and we will do it!’ but given these are worldwide tariffs, Australia got off fairly lightly, and the restrictions on beef are because Australia won’t compromise on biosecurity measures that stop things like Mad Cow Disease and rabies from entering the supply chain, what exactly does Littleproud think a Coalition government could do here? Littleproud thinks that Peter Dutton could convince Trump of ‘the impact of this’ on the whole wide world and that Trump – DONALD TRUMP – would magically have an epiphany and suddenly change his mind.

Perhaps Littleproud is imagining he, Barnaby Joyce and Dutton could all visit Trump on the same night as the ghosts of trade past, present and future and lead Trump to his own Scrooge moment. Actually scrap that. Littleproud and Joyce working together? Could never happen.

He tells the ABC:

There’s a bit of confusion about exact details on some of this. We’ve been a rules-based trading partner and those rules within the WTO should apply and when we were in government, we got form. We took China to the WTO. We even took Canada to the WTO on wine. So you should stick to the process and respect the process.

But again, what we want to do is actually reset the relationship with President Donald Trump. You’re not going to change his mind unless you can get a reset, get in the door or even get him to pick the phone up.

If we reset the relationship, not only this is about Australia, but this is about getting the world back to an equilibrium of a rules-based order.

If we’re elected in four weeks, a Prime Minister Dutton would be on a plane near immediately to Washington to meet with President Donald Trump, to have this out with him. And to make sure he understands the impact this will have, not just on the world, but a consequence on the United States as well. This is inflationary for the whole world, and there needs some leadership, strong leadership, you can do that if you’ve got a relationship. That relationship needs to be reset.

Maybe Littleproud could write Trump a really nice song and have Dutton sing it? That might do it!